Transitioning from morgue to mom
#52
This was my biggest struggle - going from on-scene or in the morgue to home.
It is awkward moving from the excitement of my job as a forensic investigator badass to the routine housework of a momma.
But I guarantee if you do these four things right after work and before you get home, you’ll feel a clearer division between your work and your home life.
1. Change out of your uniform. Most offices have a changing room or at least a bathroom. If you’re done with your shift, take off your uniform and put on your civvies. If you’re still technically on call, at least change your footwear - if there’s a call on the way home, you can put your boots back on.
2. Connect - if something icky, interesting, frustrating, sad, annoying, stupid, high profile, embarrassing, or really cool happened at work, say it. Call or text someone who gets it - a fellow forensic person. Don’t expect your spouse, parents/kids, or friends to understand what you find stimulating and emotional. It’s ok to silo them and lean on your peers for support, in fact it’s better for them too. If you don’t have someone you trust to speak to, voice memo yourself while you’re driving. You can even email me! Get it out of your mind!!!
3. Make a stop on the way home. Your kids, dogs, chores, whatever you’re rushing home for will not notice an extra 5-10 min. Stop at a local park, antique shop, international grocery store, farm stand, pond, church, kids sports complex. If it’s the middle of the night, choose somewhere well lit and safe - like the hospital or a 24-hr gym. Or just pull over and stop. This will signal the transition between work and home.
Tell yourself “I am off work.”
4. Acknowledge that you’ve seen/smelled/touched/heard things normal people don’t. When you arrive home, tell your people you had a day and need a minute or two alone. Or that you need extra cuddles. You don’t have to be specific. You don’t have to tell them about the case or that office drama. You are off work and you are home safe.
PS if you’ve had “one of those shifts,” prioritize good rest. It’s best not to drink alcohol within the first 24hrs of a stressful situation (and if you’re saying, hell everything I do at work is stressful - you’re right). Use positive coping skills like the ones described above and feel your feels. Your feelings might not feel nice but if you numb out with booze, they’re still going to be there the next day. When you let yourself feel them and then sleep, you’re able to process and move along.
There’s no place like home,
Kat
Katharine C. Pope, MA, D-ABMDI
