When did you decide to check out?
#38
January 15, 2023
I can’t remember the exact day when I stopped talking to my husband about my job but it was pretty early on in my career. He’s a teacher, for Christsake, and a Texas gentleman too. Sure, I’d joke about needing a shower before he could give me a welcome home hug or laugh with him about the comically large kitchen decorations I saw in the hoarder’s house. But did he need to know that I was in physical danger when the administration decided to have us use a red tag for homicide cases, on scene in the middle of Crypt territory? Or the exact extent of my feelings handling co-sleeping deaths? They were complicated and awful but preventable and just plain sad - well, I guess saying it out loud isn’t that hard after all. In the moment, I didn’t feel like I should burden him with those stories. I didn’t want to have to justify myself, explain why I loved the job, investigating these cases day after day even when it was so hard. So I stopped talking about it.
What I’ve since learned is that CONNECTION is the perfect vaccine against work related post traumatic stress, depression, anxiety, and addiction disorders. Individuals who rely on their support systems - their partners at home, their peers at work, professional therapists, and their internal structures - have more resilient careers. Resiliency doesn’t mean you’re unaffected by this work; resiliency means you’re able to quickly bounce back when things get difficult. We are all exposed to some crazy stuff which can make use feel like no one understands us or that we’re weak-willed. But that’s just not true. PTSD, depression, anxiety, and addiction disorders disconnect us from others and keep us stuck inward. In my experience, reconnecting with my support systems had to start at ground zero (me). I started writing down in a top secret journal (a sticky note) all of the things I was feeling in my body right in the moment - tummy butterflies, tight throat, fluttering heart when the phone rang. What I used to mean I was excited to get to go to work now morphed into anxiety for having to go. Uh oh. Time to Connect with others, so I started talking to my coworkers and other people I trusted in the job. Have you ever felt this way? Have you burned out on the thing you love? Have you ever felt shut off or closed down? Did you want to drink or binge watch Netflix away the shift? The answer I keep finding again and again is that YES - so many of us have felt this way and its ok if you have too! It doesn’t make you bad at your job or bad at being human. It just makes you human.
If you’re not ready to connect with others about your scenes, cases, thoughts, emotions, or behaviors - thats ok! Write down what you’re feeling and keep it for yourself. Mindful decontamination gets the icky junk out of your head so that it doesn’t dwell there. When you’re ready, I’ll be here to talk!
Happy New Year,
Kat
Katharine Pope, MA, D-ABMDI
Forensics Found
www.forensicsfound.com
www.forensicsfound.thinkific.com
