Cold case investigation is my favorite topic
May 28, 2022
Hello and Happy Memorial Day weekend! I was teaching, learning, and networking at a death investigators’ conference this week. I love being around people who share my interests and know exactly what I’ve been through as a career death investigator, parent, wife, human. Yesterday, I lectured to the group about cold case investigation, which is a topic I can talk about FOR HOURS. I’m not even kidding – I can chit chat for maybe 10min about my kids (they are super smart and funny by the way) and about Mexican food (because dang tacos are awesome). But cold cases – especially unidentified human remains – is a topic that I have always been drawn to and learn more and more. In my experience, there are not too many folks out there who get to spend their time focused on these cases so I love to be able to get into the weeds about it.
In my last newsletter, the weight of the job was feeling heavy. This week, I was able to talk to other people handling casework across the country and the pressure started to lift. The relief came from simply telling my story out loud to people who have been there. I chose to share some of the feelings I have – busy, tired, worried, excited, interested, disappointed, thrilled, overwhelmed. When you give a name to your feelings, it might be easier to start to notice where they are popping up elsewhere during your day. You can notice when they are useful to you – my overwhelm sometimes will focus me into accomplishing something big. And you’ll notice when they are not useful – my worry rarely motivates me into action, but instead freezes me into fear and inaction. Check out this Wheel of Emotions; you can use it when you struggle to put a name to your feelings. I challenge you to set an alarm for yourself tomorrow – every hour, all day, stop and write down how you are feeling. That’s all, just notice your thoughts, your emotions, how you’re feeling in your body and then write it down in the Notes app of your phone or in your journal.
I also said in my last newsletter that I would start sharing a few case stories so, I’ll share with you about one of the cases I had at the very beginning, while I was still in field training. We had plenty of “falls from a height” and my first one was a teenager who jumped from a tall bridge over a big river. She wasn’t found for a few days after they found her things on the bridge so, beyond the blunt trauma from the fall, she was also decomposing from the water. The girl was from a local ethnic community and her family did not agree that her MOD was suicide even though all of the indications pointed that way. My limited experience at that point did not include family conflict about a death certificate – it certainly was not my last experience! It was NOT a fun conversation to have with them (multiple conversations, actually) but I felt strong in my ability to explain what exactly we’d used to reach out conclusion. I hope I did not seem judgmental, listened to their concerns, and got feedback from other investigators. In the end, I had the doctor talk to them directly, which I’ve learned over the years sometimes is the ticket to getting a family to finally drop the topic. There is no need for hurt feels or bruised egos; people hear Dr. SoAndSo and consider the conversation more valid. Totally ok with me. We met our goal of bringing closure to the family.
Thanks for listening and reading along. If you ever need a safe space to chat about cases and your mindset around your job, give me a shout. I’ve got the program for you!
Have a great holiday,
Kat
