Words matter
#39
January 29, 2023
I used to call my journaling time a “Worry Dump” which didn’t sound sound too catchy. The Critical Incident Stress Management folks call it “Mindful Decontamination,” which I like much better. I visualize removing the rotten festering nasty stuff. I purge anything and everything from my mind to my journal every single day. Sometimes it’s really dark stuff I can't say out loud and sometimes it’s simply the menu options for my daughter's birthday party. Either way, it feels really good to know I have time to remove things from my brain and assess my acuity. How am I really doing? Was that scene from earlier actually bothering me? When you remove pressing thoughts out onto the page, there is literally more room in your mind for those higher levels on Maslow’s Pyramid - creativity, compassion for others, hopes, wishes, goals, dreams.
When I first started journaling, I had to do it a lot. In the beginning, I set a timer on my phone a few times a day. I'd stop whatever I was doing and write for one minute everything I was thinking or feeling. Sometimes it was about the delicious turkey wrap I was eating and sometimes it was about the drunk driver who just killed a family of three. I did this for a few months until I started looking forward to Mindful Decontamination time. When a bad thought came up, I would say to myself "save that for Mindful Decontamination."
I still have negative thoughts. All humans do! Become aware of your negative thoughts; acknowledge them. Getting them out of your head is the key to positive forward motion. YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS - having a “bad” thought does not make you bad. You are the one assigning that meaning and judgment to that thought. Instead of forcing the thought away, can you acknowledge it, appreciate the reminder that this something you’re working on changing, and then let it go? When we keep running from our thoughts, they keep chasing us.
"The same boiling water that softens the potatoes will harden the eggs."
Words matter. I had a case once where human remains were recovered on a burned out apartment complex building rooftop. We ran a full recovery and only located the lower half of the person, from T5 and the pelvis down. The person was wearing jeans and was bound by the ankles and the backs of the belt loops, like they were carried up there in a little bundle. There was SFT and ballistics injuries present and, while they were wearing women's styled jeans and underwear, the biological profile was estimated to be male. The forensic pathologist ruled the case Undetermined though, as there was no observable pathological cause of death. I spent almost every day in his office trying to convince him to change it to a Homicide but, to this day, this case is not investigated by the police.
Words matter. Forensic professionals are presented with a specific cause of death and ask questions, review the scene, and consider timelines in order to eliminate four of the five manners of death to reach a conclusion. A gunshot wound can be the cause of death in accidents, suicides, homicides, and undetermined deaths - our investigations help reveal and determine which manner of death, how the investigation will proceed, and how the family will heal (or not).
Words matter. The way you speak to yourself determines your outlook, your mood, your drive, your emotions. Stop "shoulding" on yourself - if you should be somewhere/thing/one else, you would be. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself today. Would you talk to a child like that? Would you say that stuff to a stranger? Give yourself grace and kindness - you are doing the best you can with the tools you have! It is OK to allow yourself patience. It is not being soft or wrong. You are allowed to own your journey towards a better you - growing is good and it also takes time. You've got this!
Cheers,
Kat
