These boots

These boots have seen a lot - homicides from all kinds of weapons, suicides in every place you can imagine, hundreds (thousands?) of drug overdoses, motor vehicle fatalities, co-sleeping deaths, COVID deaths, drownings, decomps, and so much more. Throughout my 12years, I never brought my boots home - if you know me, I always change into my crocs after a scene. I guess I thought this was a good enough line of defense against those pesky feelings? No matter what I tried, I still brought those cases home with me.  

Last year, I started: 

🐊 1. noticing my feelings, emotions, and behaviors

🐊 2. taking real and specific actions to counteract repeated exposure to negative situations

🐊 3. building appreciation for myself and resiliency in order to keep showing up

🐊 4. talking. 

HOOAH

Remember to keep your motions in line with your morals and #hooah Keep It Moving. 

You know why you do this job and that is all that matters. 

Thank you for showing up and doing the hard things.

#deathismylife

#oncall

#thinpurpleline

#thinblueline

#thinredline

#thingreenline

#thingreyline

#thinyellowline 

Set your expectations

My husband and I like to play the “worst case scenario” game and prepare for all of the ways something might go wrong. But what if it goes right?

Expectations are different than fears.  If I went into a scene expecting it to be miserable, you better believe it was the worst. 

If I expected the case to be difficult, I was rarely disappointed. 

If you’re considering going alcohol free, you might be thinking the worst.

Your brain is expecting alcohol at a certain time every day or after a certain kind of stimuli (rough case, wedding/birthday party, annoying supervisor, day off). So even if you’re a little anxious or restless those first few days, can you hold on?  Can you expect to be uncomfortable for a few days in order to start healing? Before you know it, your brain will be expecting and learning new methods of handling all of the input, from the worst to the best WITHOUT BOOZE. 

An alcohol free life can be an enjoyable one, in fact; what if you expect it to be better than the life you’re living right now? 

🤝Set your expectations

👉Could a month without alcohol be any worse than how you’re feeling right now?

👉Can you at least give it a real try? 

👉Worse case scenario, you save some money and lose some pounds!

👉You can expect that the hardest part is starting, but learn that every day will bring you pride and gratitude

👉You are stronger than you think you are.  

#thisnakedmindcoach #deathismylife #thinpurpleline #thinblueline #thingreenline #thinyellowline #thingreyline #thinredline 

Fear is legit… and controllable

Alright y’all, let’s start digging in!  What are your fears?

Fear is legit!  It is a sneaky emotion and usually derivative of other thoughts and feelings.  For me, fear kept me stuck in my “this is the way I’ve always done things” routine.  Alcohol was always my constant companion - after a long day at the morgue, at social events or conferences, celebrations, weeknights, everything! When I recognized that I was ready to break up with alcohol, I had a lot of fear built up around how I was going to feel without it.

For example: What will I be missing out on? Will I be a whole new person?  Will I be miserable?  Will I even know how to talk to people?  How to relax? 

What if I couldn’t quit; what did that mean?  Did that mean I would have to hit rock bottom before I could change my behaviors? What would that even look like?  If I was an alcoholic, would I still be a good considered investigator or a good mom or even a good person?  Will I have to start going to AA? 

Being afraid of being a failure kept me from beginning.

Being afraid of the hard work kept me from beginning. 

Being afraid of being miserable and unhappy kept me from beginning. 

Last year, I finally admitted that I was afraid, I felt the fears, got curious about the fears, and then began on this journey in spite of those fears. 

What are your fears?  Photo by @lanafoleyphotography

#thinblueline #thinpurpleline #thinredline #thinyellowline #thingreenline #thingreyline  #thisnakedmindcoach #thealcoholexperiment #deathismylife 

Mindfulness

Once behaviors become habits, it can be hard to remember why we started doing the activity in the first place! I’d leave work, drive home about 45 minutes, change out of my work uniform, and pour myself a glass of wine.  If you asked me what music was on the radio or if I’d seen anything interesting on the drive, I wouldn’t have been able to think of a thing!  My after-work routine of behaviors were so automatic that they required no thinking on my part whatsoever. 

So I decided to change it up! Instead of mindless and automatic, I got mindful and purposeful. My behaviors began to change when I acted with intention. Like a good scientist, I made observations. I started writing everything down. I stopped blaming and shaming myself and simply got curious. 

Paying attention to thoughts, feelings, and emotions is not intuitive - many of us ignore this side and simply act based on habit.  Being mindful can be applied to eating, drinking, daily tasks, parenting, friendships, and so on. When was the last time you really got curious about the way you FEEL and THINK about your behaviors?

Rule number one - Don’t be judgmental! This process is not about beating yourself up anymore.  You’ve already done enough of that and has it worked?  Nope! The entire exercise is about curiosity and openness.  During this process, you will be forced to observe your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors and get honest about the actual experience you encounter during the way. 

Rule number two - Have fun with this! Getting mindful is not supposed to be a negative experience.  Research proves that pairing positive emotions with behaviors and activities increases the chance of repeating or wanting to repeat them. If you want to start a new habit, you have to combine it with positive emotions. 

Alright now that you know the rules, here are the steps towards mindful drinking. (Yes you read that right - you are to stop trying to stop drinking. Right now I’m not asking for you to change your patterns - live your life - and let’s record them.)

First we need to figure out exactly how much space booze is taking up in your brain. Every single time you think about booze, make a mark. My whole darn day was spent thinking about drinking: in the morning, I would be thinking about how many drinks I’d had the night before and how bad my head hurt. By Lunch time, I started thinking about what drinks I wanted that night. And by the end of the workday, I scheming and planning on whether I have enough booze. Even on weekends, I’d rush through my chores and even prepare for the next morning so that I had no obligations other than drinking. 

Second, get curious about the drink. How does it feel before you pour it?  How does it feel after you pour but before you drink it?  How about in 20 min?  And after more drinks?  What are you looking for?  Does how you feel meet those expectations? Write about the smells and tastes - Do you really like it?

#thinpurpleline #thinredline #thinblueline #thinyellowline #thingreyline #thingreenline #deathismylife #thisnakedmindcoach #thealcoholexperiment 

Perspective is everything

"We don't see things as they ARE, we see them as WE are." Anais Nin

On this Saturday morning, remember that things don’t change, you change.  When you change your perspective, you can see things differently!  You are in control!  Do you want a new job?  A better home life?  Less stress at work?  Quit an old habit or pick up a new one? What do you think is standing in your way?  What have you tried so far?  What worked and what didn't?  Let's take a look into the future and see what you look like.... change is well within your reach!  #thinblueline #thinpurpleline #thinredline #thinyellowline #thingreyline #thingreenline  #deathismylife 

What can you handle?

What can you handle? There are many different jobs in forensic science. While searching for the perfect job for you, don’t be afraid to experiment. You could work in a lab, in the field, in jail, in a classroom, on the road, in a courtroom. You could work 9-5 Monday through Friday, swing shifts, first shift, second shift, third shift, on call, per diem, weekends, holidays. You could work with dead bodies, criminals, fires, victims, defendants, blood, hair, semen, skeletons, paperwork, computers, videos, radios, pagers, guns. To set yourself up for success, choose a job that best suits you, that you enjoy, and that plays to your strengths.  Don’t try to squeeze yourself into a box you don’t fit in. And also, don’t be afraid to try something out of your comfort zone. The best thing that could happen is you know you’ve tried it! So, what can you handle?

It’s not the dead people that bother me

It’s not dead people that bother me - its those living people that drive me nuts.  Yes, dead people are heavy and usually end up in weird places like that tiny space between the toilet and the bathtub but otherwise, they don’t talk back and they don’t ask for much.  The living, on the other hand, they’re the ones that drove me to drink.  I chose this profession because I enjoy asking questions to help determine cause and manner of death.  I enjoy seeing the way people live right before they die.  I like that no two cases are the same (even though all of those terrible drug ODs are starting to run together). But the list of things that bother me about working in criminal justice is 10 times longer.  We are underfunded, understaffed, and under appreciated.  Our management doesn’t understand what we do - heck the public and our families don’t even get it.  We have to do a whole lot with just a little bit and it can really wear on us.  A friend called us “the forgotten ones” in public safety and I truly believe it.  And you know what else - if I got sick, got hurt, or gave up and quit; the bosses just replaced me with someone else.  The dead people will always be there!  The public will always misunderstand us!  The management will never truly support us! (Side note - There are some really good offices out there actually and we salute you!) 

Over the last 12months, I focused on shifting my negative mindset by changing MY OWN thoughts and emotions.  I feel clear and positive about how I fit within my career.  I have proper boundaries so that I can be a successful death investigator AND human being.  The only person I can control is ME!  If you’d like to learn the 5 tools to help you show up as a better investigator, check out my website www.forensicsfound.com/dispatch and download the FREE Responders Toolbox. #thinpurpleline #thinblueline #thinredline #thinyellowline #thingreenline #thingreyline  #deathismylife @forensics_found 

What do you want?

One of my amazing colleagues called death investigators "the forgotten ones in public health and safety." It's so true - we tend not to receive the newest technology, high salaries, CISM meetings, PTSD diagnoses, continuing education or training opportunities, PPE, or basic equipment.  It's clear in the lack of consistent agency management, job titles, duties, and so on.  So what should we do about it?  I think the first step is to build a community! Tell me - what do you want?  Send me a message and we'll start the conversation! 

#deathismylife 

#thinpurpleline 

The ACT technique

We can find ourselves in this endless cycle where we want to drink less and we also want a drink.  You can either choose not to drink, feel deprived and cranky, and then cave to drink a lot more than usual Or you drink and feel like you’ve failed -

Either way results in stress. And wha do we do with when we’re stressed? We drink!

Anyone out there interested in trying something new?

Annie Grace, in her book This Naked Mind, developed the ACT technique that helps interrupt negative thinking patterns, get behind root causes, and leads to positive behaviors actively chosen. 

The ACT Technique 

Awareness

Clarity

Turnaround

Awareness: State the belief or thought.

For Example: I need a drink to cope with my job as a death investigator 

Clarity: Is this thought true?Where and when did it start? How does it make you feel? How does it make you behave?

For Example: I remember interning at the OCME and after the shift, all of the cool forensic folks went down to the local bar. I wanted to be like them so I went! As I got older, I began taking my interns to the bar after work. We spent the time talking about the cases we’d had that day. I felt like a chance to debrief among people who understood me. But the alcohol made things hazy and the conversations were never really that deep or helpful. 

Turnaround: State the opposite

For Example: I do not need alcohol to deal with my hard job

Or

My job is not so hard that I want to numb myself to everything around me

Or

Alcohol doesn’t make my work any better, it doesn’t make the job less hard

Please don’t try to force a change here.  Thoughts are things but they are not you.  You can change them!  Go in like a scientist and see if the statement is true.  Perhaps you need baby steps to get a little farther and that’s ok too! Ladder thoughts from the Awareness to a new Turnaround is a step in the right direction. 

The ACT technique is from @thisnakedmind and based on The Work by @byron.katie and Liminal Thinking by Dave Gray. I highly recommend these books if you’re ready for some mindset work! #thinpurpleline #thisnakedmindcoach #deathismylife #thinblueline #thinredline #thingreenline #thealcoholexperiment #thinyellowline 

Pre-career: college

After high school, I moved west to study “liberal arts” at a tiny mountain college.  I knew I wanted to major in psychology (which I did) but I also took advantage of the plethora of interesting topics and fields offered.  Buddhism, Morality in War, Anthropology of Work, Philosophy of Law, Art History, Neuroscience, Physics, Sign Language, Crime Journalism, the list goes on and I tried them all. (Well, not English.  I didn’t have to take an English class and so I did not.) Getting a high level view of possibilities helps you to make a better informed decision on your next steps.  College is a great chance to see what’s out there, to see what you like, to see what you don’t like.  I was so lucky to take Forensic Anthropology with Dr. Laura Fulginiti - the class moved mountains for me and pushed me towards the path I walk today.  What have you tried that didn’t work out, that helped you clarify your endgame?  What do you think was the “instigator” on your path?  What moves your mountains? 

Why are you here?

Why are you here? Why do you drink more than you set out to drink?  Why do you drink again when you say you’re never going to drink again? For me, drinking became a part of my death investigator personality - wine Wednesday, Friday night walks with cocktails,  Sunday booze brunches - it was how I numbed out after a tough scene, how I celebrated at kids birthday parties, how I was able to talk to the people who really didn’t understand me or my job. Eventually, the booze stopped working - it stopped numbing just the bad stuff, stopped being fun, stopped helping me connect to people. So I thought I could cut back and it would be no big deal - right? WRONG! ALCOHOL IS ADDICTIVE! 

Subconsciously, your brain craves the booze and believes that it’s doing something good for you but consciously, you’re sick of it and ready to stop drinking - welcome to Cognitive Dissonance! You’ve been conditioned to drink to relax (on cop shows, where do they always go after a tough case?!) The stress created from trying to cut back the booze LEADS YOU BACK TO THE BOOZE! It’s so amazing - your brain is just doing what it’s supposed to do and ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. 

Willpower will not work. White knuckling it will not work. Blaming and shaming yourself will not work. Guilt trips and ultimatums will not work. It’s time to get curious about WHY you’re drinking and what benefit you think it’s providing you.  #thealcoholexperiment #forensicsfound #cognitivedissonance #willpowerisamuscle #pillowpledge #whatisyourwhy #alcoholisaddictive #thinblueline #thinpurpleline #thingreyline #thingreenline #thinredline #thinyellowline @lanafoleyphotography 

Pre-career: high school

There are so many jobs that fall under the “forensic science” umbrella: forensic pathologist, attorney, dentist, toxicologist, physical anthropologist, document examiner, digital evidence expert, psychiatrist, engineer, physicist, chemist, criminalist, investigator, nurse, educator, and so much more. If you’ve decided you want to work in the field, congrats! But now what?  At my high school, psychology was offered to interested seniors and I ATE IT UP. Mrs Didio recognized my interest and gave me books to read and special projects to help me explore the science. I declared psychology major as a freshman and never changed it. I ended up adding anthropology but still love my psych!  Finding a mentor is a good first start; a mentor is someone to help you navigate the job market or your educational journey while creating a positive connection for growth and development. Mentors can really make a difference in the direction of your path and your overall journey!

I believe…

I believe that our responder community takes care of our needs and keeps us safe and healthy by handling tasks we can’t do or don’t want to do. 

I believe public service is a calling and the people who work in these jobs will show up, no matter the cost to themselves or their families. 

I believe that during tragedies you can always find good people showing up to help. 

I believe that there are some bad people working in public service and it is our responsibility to remove them from positions of power.

I believe that good responders deserve the community’s support, so they can do their jobs to the best of their ability and without sacrifice to their own health. 

#findthegood #thinpurpleline #thinblueline #thinredline #thingreenline #thingreyline #thinyellowline #deathismylife 

@lanafoleyphotography 

November Live Alcohol Experiment

If you are looking for any reason to take a break from alcohol, here is your sign.  I am 10 months alcohol free and loving life!  You don't have to be an alcoholic or miserable to give this one-month program a try - it's only $47 and very eye opening.  @thisnakedmind @responders_lastcall 

https://start.livealcoholexperiment.com/live-tae-fp-detail?affiliate_id=3373925

Responder Toolbox

 1.               SLEEP is your NUMBER ONE priority - do you work on call, rotating or swing shifts?  You need to prioritize your sleep schedules.  Build this into your work routine, where nothing else is scheduled during this time (this means you are not available for family functions, personal obligations, work tasks, eating, exercise, or anything other than sleeping during this time!).  If you end a shift and you don’t need the few extra hours for sleeping, then do something awesome to treat yourself.  No one died this shift - ice cream on me!  I know it sounds impossible to predict an on-call schedule but trust me, there are ways to build in sleep.  And then thank me later.

2.              EXERCISE is your second priority - do you sit at the office waiting for dispatch to call?  Do you "run" all shift or all night?  This is not the exercise you need.  I used to think about my calls as hard work and yes, sometimes I would lift really heavy dead people and sweat and breathe heavily.  But let me say it again for the people in the back - This is not the exercise you need!  What you need are daily body movements that are not work related - dog walks, play time with the kids, bike rides with your partner, a yoga session, 15min on the treadmill, lifting weights.  The exercise is not work related - see what I did there?  It’s a mindset thing.  

3.              EATING and DRINKING to fuel your body - the crap I used to eat while on call?!  It's embarrassing.  One of the first rules I made to be a better investigator was never ever would I eat anything sold at a gas station.  Yes, this is hard when it is 2am and you've been running and you're hungry/thirsty. Will your body crave caffeine and sweets? Do you feel like you can't turn off after a long day and think alcohol will help you sleep? Of course!  But you are in charge of what goes in your mouth.  Caffeine, alcohol, and processed foods might feel right in the moment, but they do not produce what you think they do.  I do not consume these things ever, no matter what my cravings try to tell me.  And I sleep 100% better now (just ask my FitBit).

4.             ANXIETY DUMP - After seeing what we've seen, it's easy to get caught in a worry loop. PTSD rates in the responder community are through the roof and suicide is at an all time high.  I started journaling - at first, I had to do it a lot.  I started by setting a timer on my phone a few times a day where I'd stop whatever I was doing and just write for one minute everything I was thinking or feeling.  Sometimes it was about the delicious turkey wrap I was enjoying and sometimes it was about the terrible drunk who just killed a family of three.  I did this for a few months until I started looking forward to Anxiety Dump time.  Soon after, bad thoughts didn’t even phase me outside of Anxiety Dump time.  (Public Service Announcement - I still have negative thoughts.  All humans do!  What I do with them next is the key.) Now I've got a scheduled time every evening to "dump" my worries, sad feelings, and negative thoughts.  I usually take about 5 minutes to purge onto the page anything and everything.  Sometimes it’s really dark stuff I can't say out loud and sometimes it’s simply the menu options for my daughter's 10th birthday party.  Either way, it feels really good to know I will always have time to remove things from my brain on to a page.

5.              TALK TO SOMEONE - This was the hardest one for me to do.  People are selfish, even if they won't admit it.  I really thought I was the only one struggling.  I really thought that I could carry the weight of the job on my shoulders.  And yes, I can now admit that I was ashamed that I was affected by it all.  Guess what - I’m not alone.  I am a real live human being who is exposed to the worst day of people's lives during my work shift.  I am doing the best I can with the tools I am given.  And my new tool is taking back my power and taking control of this job and my life!  You know what feels good to me?  Saying that I have helped thousands of families through moments that they'll remember forever. Is it easy?  Nope!  But they need me to be the best forensic investigator I can be.  I owe them that.

Be the best forensic investigator you can be. Take back your power.  Take control of your life and this job.  You owe your families, and you owe yourself too.

Dispatch a mentor at www.forensicsfound.com : schedule a free, confidential call to learn about our programs.  I’ve got your six.   

Welcome!

The idea for a landing place - a FOUNDATION - for the responder community brewed in my brain for years. I wanted to be a forensic anthropologist since I was in middle school. But how? Forensic science is a huge field and there is no right way to do it. Everyone has a different story, a different path to success, a different connection to the job. This platform strives to address that issue, guiding you from the beginning to end of your career path, through your goalposts and struggles - whatever that may look like. The goal of Forensics Found is to help you reach your goals. Maybe you need a few more CEUs. Or maybe you want to sleep better, exercise more, and rekindle your marriage. Big or small - I’ve got your six.

When I look back at my path to where I am now, I am proud of the things I accomplished. But it was not a direct route. I muddled along, weaving my way through college, graduate school, and different jobs in the field. And then I added a family to the mix. My FTOs didn’t cover work/life balance during training. My grad advisor didn’t talk about planning daycare while covering call. Did yours?

The nature of this job exposes us to some wild things - exciting, fun, interesting, gross, sad, scary. When you add lack of funding, poor management, short staffing, inconsistent or irregular scheduling and long spans of call or being awake, and so on, the normal emotions we feel while doing our work can seem abnormal or exaggerated. And they wonder why we have hijacked coping skills?!

All responders are welcome here - I want this to be a safe space to communicate and connect. Have a question about proficiency testing for your certification? Looking for another office’s SOPs to make your own? Having trouble with burnout or alcohol use? Looking to move jobs or retire completely, but not quite sure how to leave it all behind? I’ve got your six.